Let me start off by saying that microdosing psilocybin is something I NEVER thought I'd do. EVER.
As a child of the D.A.R.E. program & the daughter of a Southern preacher ... psychedelics were "bad" ... very bad in my mind. In fact, I never even TRIED them recreationally until I was in my 30s. (yeah I was a very sheltered kid if you couldn't tell).
I was a TV news anchor in 2022 at the height of my career. I was dedicated to going 'above and beyond' at my job & I was paying the price to the tune of unprocessed trauma from the 15 years I'd been in the business (plus my own trauma, sexual shame, anxiety, burnout, depression & alcohol abuse.)
For years I'd tried therapy. Pharmaceutical drugs. Meditation. But nothing really helped.
So, when I'd reached my wits end in therapy... when my anxiety, depression & overwhelm reached their peak... when my shame around sex led to me having NO libido... when my 20 years of eating disorders & body disconnection got too much to bear... I decided to take a teeny, tiny, ohhhh so small amount of psychedelic mushrooms. For healing, duh!!
And let me tell you ... it has made ALL the difference.
I know what you're thinking:
Maybe microdosing psychedelic mushrooms conjures up thoughts for you of checked out hippies from the free love movement, free-flowing through some trippy dance moves in the middle of a field of wildflowers. (ok AI images go off ... creating what honestly looks like a great time).
Maybe it seems hella risky - considering the way the media -- (and as a former TV news anchor I can say this with 1000% certainty) -- portrays psychedelics as a sketchy venture into an altered state of consciousness.
But maybe, if you were in my shoes, you'd decide to try them too. After all, what did I have to lose? (Accept my mind ... according to ... again ...the media).
Microdosing mushrooms became a pathway to unlocking my magic and healing wounds of the past. It also rocketed me into my shadow ... and wouldn't let me hide from my own shit.
Letting Go & Trusting the Medicine
My journey with microdosing psilocybin began like a lot of my hyper-fixations, with a deep dive down a rabbit hole. Like the professional journalist I was, I did my research. I read books and blogs and listened to podcasts and watched documentaries. And I found a certified guide to help me microdose safely. After I asked my intuition if she wanted to try microdosing ... and she was a resounding HELL YES to eating mushrooms for healing.
I hired my guide, Bijou (shoutout to Mushroom Mamasita), and we began working on what I THOUGHT I needed help with most - my shame around getting herpes at age 18. For me, this looked like the root cause of my issues in my relationship, in my connection to myself and the REASON behind why I'd been such an over-achiever in my 20s (you know ... to prove my worth).
So, I set an intention - to become open to receiving pleasure.
But the one thing I've learned above all else is this: Mushrooms give you what you NEED not necessarily what you WANT. And that's why it's so important to trust, let go & let it flow.
I got what I REALLY needed (& it was scary AF)
As I delved deeper into the world of microdosing, I started to notice all of the things in my life that were NOT in alignment. From my job to certain relationships - and MOSTLY the way I treated myself. Microdosing shone a light on all those internal shadows and while the outer shifts were potent and beautiful (more subtle joy, more patience, more responsiveness vs. reactivity) I couldn't shake the voice inside me steadily growing from a whisper to a shout. "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR JOB - IT'S KILLING YOU."
Here I was, a successful news anchor, making 6-figures at the top of my game. I was a 'public figure' secretly ingesting psychedelic mushrooms to heal my deepest wounds. I'd turn on the megawatt smile at 5, 6 & 10pm weeknights ... and then opened a bottle of wine to down the sorrows the second I got home. This wasn't living.
But it wasn't until 3 months into my microdosing journey ... during a report on a mass shooting at a Texas elementary school ... that I realized 'enough's enough.'
The concrete wall I'd built around my heart - to report on the worst of humanity day after day - crumbled. The mycelium network had done its job, weaving its way into those little cracks in my armor and taking me down in a flood of on-air tears.
I took a leave of absence almost immediately. And then ... I never went back. I couldn't. Mushrooms had shown me that I was NOT meant to be a news anchor anymore. I was, in fact, meant for MUCH more.
Breakdown into Breakthrough
In the weeks that followed my departure from TV, I fell into a DEEP grief. Then, one month later my dog died suddenly. And 6 weeks after that, my OTHER dog died.
Mushrooms knew that in order for me to receive all of the blessings the universe had in store for me - I had to get serious about feeling my feelings & stop trying to CONTROL my life. Unearthed emotions - long hidden inside my body - found their way to the surface. Anger. Rage. Despair. Grief .... soooo much of it.
And microdosing helped me navigate this profound period of mourning. Of loss. Or devastation & destruction.
Finally, like a wildfire that burns away all in it's path ... to make the ground ready for new life ... I came out the other side renewed.
And looking back at this breakthrough, here are some of the highlights (since I've probably scared you to death with the seemingly "LOW" lights of my experience).
Deeper Connection to Spirit
One of the most transformative aspects of my microdosing journey was the reconnection with my inner self and spirit. Through introspection and meditation, I found myself again. I learned to confront my shadows and move through the blocks that were keeping me from my true self. As I emerged from my Kali era, I started to feel deeply held, supported & loved by the universe, God & Goddess. I started to understand my soul's TRUE purpose.
Navigating the Waves of Emotions
Obviously, microdosing psilocybin wasn't all rainbows and butterflies. But I wholeheartedly believe we are MEANT to feel our full range of feelings head-on ... because when we stifle their expression we get stuck, we get disconnected & we create dis-ease. If you microdose, maybe you don't decide to leave your job (and I certainly hope your dogs don't die suddenly). But I DO hope you allow the tears to come - to cleanse wounds that have long been ignored... because this is how you get closer to wholeness.
Integration and Growth
When I say I don't even KNOW the person I was before microdosing, I'm not joking. I've lived a thousand lifetimes from that first mushroom experience until now. And I'm still making sense of the messages I've received from the mushrooms (and still trying to make better choices in my everyday life). But two of the biggest areas of growth for me have been ongoing sobriety (19 months and counting) and that I FINALLY understand what it means to love myself. The magic of microdosing was a catalyst for my personal growth and transformation ... and I'm still reaping the rewards more than two years after finishing my first microdosing journey.
Closing Thoughts
Microdosing psilocybin might not be for you, but if you're someone who's ready for a profound journey of self-discovery and healing, it can be truly magical. It helped me peel back layers of trauma, conditioning & self-limiting beliefs to reveal the essence of my being – a radiant & sensitive soul capable of infinite healing, growth and WORTHY of love.
This medicine put me on the path toward helping others - just like me. I've spent years training in somatic therapy, psychedelic facilitation and mindfulness practices so I can help guide you to feel better. Maybe it's with mushrooms. Maybe it's with somatic breathwork. Most likely - it's with a combination of the two. Want to explore? Book a free 1:1 discovery call and let's chat about the ways I can support you in creating your own breakthroughs (and hold space for you if you're in your own breakdown right now.) - Love, Leslie 💞
Leslie Draffin is an internationally certified somatic psychedelic guide and trauma-informed coach who specializes in helping women & military veterans heal their mental health, overcome trauma and create the life they desire. She does not condone the use of illicit substances and does not provide access to any illegal drugs. Her work aims to educate and reduce risk for those who choose to explore psychedelics & somatic resources for personal growth and healing.
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